"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."

By Friedrich Nietzsche. I remember Ava quoting that to me a few moths ago, way back before the project started and we found ourselves caught in the middle of this mess. She always had this weird fascination with the guy and encouraged me to read his books, even if I wasn't into philosophy much.

At the time, I was having issues at school and became severely afraid I would loose my scholarship if my grades kept their steady decline. I think it was about this time that I first started really talking to Ava: I asked her to help me study and she complied. It was painful, and I am not a good student, but she managed to get me through the rough subjects and helped me stay in school in spite of my own laziness.

I guess I'm just telling you this because you really need some context on how she acted before we started this: Ava was a kind, helpful person - maybe a bit smug at times, but it wasn't as if she didn't have a reason; no matter the question, she always seemed to have an answer or at least the motivation to find one. In a way, I guess it was that motivation that kept us alive for as long as we have now. 

About a week ago I got a call from Sophie: She sounded like she was desperate and was screaming at me over something about us all being doomed and everything coming to it's end. It took me a while to calm her down and get her to tell me what was actually happening.

Ava is dead. She suffered from a heart attack in the middle of the night and doctors are still struggling to figure out what exactly caused it.

I don't know what to make out of this. I'm confused and scared. Is this supposed to be a warning? Is He trying to tell us to stop trying? Did Ava do something wrong? Did I do something wrong?

I gotta pay a visit to Ava's place, see if I can find anything there. Maybe there's still a chance to sort things out, to make them right.

Ava, I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I swear I'm going to continue what you did. I'm going to find a way to get us out of this, whatever it takes.