I understand.

She was a genius.

I just wish she were still here so I could tell her that. She was a genius and I was an idiot not to recognize it from the beginning. So many nights I had spent beating myself up over how to fix this, so many blogs and notes and books I had blown through trying to gather as much information as I could, to find a solution, to make things right.

And she solved it all in less than a week.

It's not an invasion, it's not an attack; it's a game. And it's been set in motion for way longer than we thought it had. Just looking back, it's obvious: The components I found, Luca's sickness, Sophie's nightmares - it was all set up way before we even started this thing. It's been looming over us for a long time, we were just unprepared for it.

It was a stupid, trial-and-error test all along. And I failed.

I tried to be a good leader, I really did. I thought I was keeping us all safe from trouble, not realizing that we were neck-deep in the shit from the start. I set us all back, kept my team from doing their part and that may have cost Ava her life. I ruined everything, and there's nothing I can do about it now.

But it's not done yet. The game is not over. There is something left to be done here. We can still do this, we can still survive, and I'm going to make sure we do no matter the cost. I owe them that much. To Luca, Sophie... and specially to Ava.

I'm not sure what's next. Ava's notes aren't very clear on what happens from here on. I think she knew what was coming, she knew she didn't have a lot of time left. Everything seems rushed and half baked - still, one thing is clear: Whatever was in the box is vital to us and was just about ready to open it. The code is around here somewhere, I know: Lost somewhere between the notebooks, scribbles and computer files.

Ava got us this far, I can't give up now.

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."

By Friedrich Nietzsche. I remember Ava quoting that to me a few moths ago, way back before the project started and we found ourselves caught in the middle of this mess. She always had this weird fascination with the guy and encouraged me to read his books, even if I wasn't into philosophy much.

At the time, I was having issues at school and became severely afraid I would loose my scholarship if my grades kept their steady decline. I think it was about this time that I first started really talking to Ava: I asked her to help me study and she complied. It was painful, and I am not a good student, but she managed to get me through the rough subjects and helped me stay in school in spite of my own laziness.

I guess I'm just telling you this because you really need some context on how she acted before we started this: Ava was a kind, helpful person - maybe a bit smug at times, but it wasn't as if she didn't have a reason; no matter the question, she always seemed to have an answer or at least the motivation to find one. In a way, I guess it was that motivation that kept us alive for as long as we have now. 

About a week ago I got a call from Sophie: She sounded like she was desperate and was screaming at me over something about us all being doomed and everything coming to it's end. It took me a while to calm her down and get her to tell me what was actually happening.

Ava is dead. She suffered from a heart attack in the middle of the night and doctors are still struggling to figure out what exactly caused it.

I don't know what to make out of this. I'm confused and scared. Is this supposed to be a warning? Is He trying to tell us to stop trying? Did Ava do something wrong? Did I do something wrong?

I gotta pay a visit to Ava's place, see if I can find anything there. Maybe there's still a chance to sort things out, to make them right.

Ava, I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I swear I'm going to continue what you did. I'm going to find a way to get us out of this, whatever it takes.

Luca's signing out

Hey guys. I don't exactly remember who said it, but whoever it was was right. I'm crazy sick, and it's not letting up. I'm weak and tired and can hardly get out of bed. I'm sorry I haven't been on here more often, but with my situation at home, my constant sickness, and this whole.. I don't even know what to call it other than some sort of hell, updating everyone on here about my life has pretty much taken a backseat. Sophie's gone crazy, Tom... I don't even know about Tom, he just fucking up and disappeared. Ava's really the only one who seems more or less sane, but she's pretty much doing her own thing. She mentioned something about it all being over soon, and I pray to whoever is destroying our lives that it will. I've been so... paranoid and sick, I can't handle anymore of the stress and fear over this. I just want to go to sleep knowing that I will wake up in the morning rather than hoping that I'll make it through the night. I just... want things to go back to the way they were...

But first, I need to get over this crazy sickness by trying to relax as much as I can and try to get some sleep... This is Luca signing out for the last time. Goodnight and goodbye, you guys.